This is probably the most difficult post I’ve written so far.

I think I’ve been putting it off for quite awhile, because I’m afraid to let people in to this {depressing} part of my world.

Since moving out to California, I have friends who are constantly telling me that I’m living the dream life. I have friends that are constantly telling me that I am “super mom”. I can assure you, my friends – I am not.

Living in Texas was so much different from living in California. Not only the weather and various things (or lack of) things to do in Texas, but also the cost of living.

Back in Texas, we lacked for nothing. The hubby and I both worked full-time, our kids went to a truly amazing preschool, we had a beautiful home, we bought whatever we wanted, we went and did whatever we wanted. We even had a pretty decent amount of savings built up, even after having 2 kids in 2 years!

When we received the offer to move to California, we readily accepted it. Sure, we were a little nervous about it, especially with the stories we have always heard about how outrageously overpriced it is to live here (oh, and those little things called earthquakes), but we knew in our hearts that it was the right decision to make for our family. The hubby’s company even bumped his salary up to what we made together (although that salary was based on the Texas cost of living).

And, so, we packed and moved, all within a month. I quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom. Something I NEVER thought I would do. We found that the cost of childcare out here in California, compared to any salary I would bring home by working full-time, just wouldn’t be worth it in the long run.

So, here we are. Living in one of the most EXPENSIVE states I have ever seen (as in today I drove by the gas station and it is back up to $4.15!). And completely broke. Never, in a MILLION years, did we think we would end up in this situation.

There are days, like today, that I feel as though we are drowning and I don’t see an end in sight. There are weeks when we hope to just make it to the next payday so that we don’t overdraw our account. Recently, there have been months in which we were hoping to just pay the rent.

We have cut back on many things - including groceries, going out to eat, even dropping a cellphone line - yet it still doesn’t seem to be enough. Are there other things we could cut back on? Probably.

Of course, there are always ”non-negotiables” as far as things I am not willing to give up, such as the girls’ preschool tuition. Some people may look at that as a frivolous expense. I look at it not only as the value of education, but also me being a better mom because it gives both me AND the girls a break.

And, for those of you who like to pass judgement, I’ll be upfront in saying that, yes, I will still be taking the girls to Disneyland on a monthly weekly basis. Why, you ask? Because our passes are already paid for through the year. And, yes, I do hope that we will miraculously come up with the money needed to renew our passes when they expire. Why, you ask? Because it’s something that bonds our family, and gives us a happy outlet, away from the everyday stress of our life.

By taking this HUGE step, in laying our family’s financial situation out there, I’m not asking for your pity or your judgement. Trust me, I realize that there are many people who are much worse situations than we are. I’m only hoping that it will help me to cope with the new “normal” that our family is adjusting to (and hoping that it is only short-term!). I hope that any future posts about living life, paycheck to paycheck, won’t be so depressing! If you know me at all, you know that being a smart-ass is more my style!

For those of you who read to the end – thank you for investing your time in me today. I truly appreciate the fact that you care.

Happy Tuesday!